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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2010.03.23  09.06 Everything Stays the Same I am still a jobless, unintelligent, lazy, boorish fool. I live at home with my parents, who barely can tolerate me, though I cannot blame them. I speak only when I have to, while volunteering or at some temporary job that I manage to secure. I hate leaving my parent's home and each day struggle even to get dressed. I hate volunteering and though I force myself to volunteer three times a week I find it more and more difficult to feel even slightly enthusiastic about it. I find myself unable to work as hard as I have in the past for something that is seeming to net me nothing in return. I spend around $10.50 a week volunteering. It seems unfair to have spent so much time and money and effort when nothing seems to come in return. I know that volunteering is something that one should do out of the goodness of one's heart but I was really hoping it would show that I was an intelligent and hardworking person that should be hired. Instead it just shows that I have too much time on my hands and am awkward around people. I have one more year to do something in my life to make it work. If it doesn't work, then perhaps everything will change.

	2009.11.10  17.59 It's been awhile. An update. I am a MLIS holder. I have no job. I have had no steady job for two years, and nothing related to the library world. Every week I spend at least 10 hrs. volunteering at various libraries while applying for every job relating to working in a library. I have been universally rejected. Not even retail bookstores will hire me. What I dream about. I don't bother remembering anymore since it is a complete waste of time. Today I cleaned my bedroom since my grandmother will be staying in my parent's home for a couple days and she needs a bed. I still live with my parents. I am a complete and total loser and I have no one to tell any of this to since I have broken off all my friendships due to my inability to deal with people. Although my outward appearance is still hopeful, lively, bubbly and sweet inside I am reeling with insecurities. I feel I will never have a 'real' job, that I am nothing short of a utter fool, that my ambition is baseless and that although I pretended to myself for so long that I was intelligent I am really nothing of the sort. I am so average. Below average now.

	2008.06.01  18.27 Haven't been sleeping lately. Made a song list one night. http://www.finetune.com/playlist/2213360 That's the best way I can put my current mood. Or just the word "Emo" would probably work as well. I've just become one of the people I make the fun of most! Go me! These Garfield without Garfield comics make me laugh...but then I realized how close they are to my life. The comic above illustrates that sudden realization... Music: Break In City - Tenacious D

	2008.05.07  07.20 The Meat Grinder Last night I had a creepy dream about being with my brother in a family's shack out in the middle of the woods. We were both children. The man was large and grisly looking, with dirty clothing and skin. He had two sons who were older (20s maybe). They were butchers and he was always making meat patties and sausages and things. Harris and I had to be part of that and we had to eat stuff. There were other children too, that decided to escape, but as we were running I got a bad feeling and told Harris we should return. We got back late, but the family seemed pleased. They made us eat the heads and necks of chickens. They were cooked, or maybe just dried. It was really crunching and disgusting. We choked and spat them up. We never saw the other children again, but I got the feeling it wasn't because they escaped. There was a sink that I had to wash dishes at and the drain was red with blood all the time. They also had a hand crank on the side of the wash basin so that if you put meat or other things down the drain they could grind it up. Harris and I tried to stick together all the time, we didn't want to be alone with the family. But we were separated to help the family work. Flies were always around while the man pounded meat into patties on the counter. He made me help him, I had to stand with a scoop over the meat while it formed into a patty. Standing near the man was very frightening, I felt like he could kill me any minute if I screwed up. That's all I can remember about that. Other than that my life is alright. I went for a job interview yesterday so hopefully I'll get the job. It's only a clerical job at the library, but at least it's a foot in the door. And I'll get some practical library experience. I just read a librarian commenting, "I didn't go to library school to play video games," about the teen program (like the one I work in). It made me feel kinda bad, am I a librarian, or just some dumb kid. I don't feel like I'm nearly 24. But then again the Teen programs are necessary to the library...aren't they? Maybe. I hate teenagers. Mood: discontent Music: Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden

	2008.05.01  15.07 Worms First I was with Dad, Mom and Harris. I was at a house dogsitting, but I was searching around for a video camera in the garage when dad came over, because they were worried about the fact that I hadn’t come home yet and didn’t answer my cell phone. I left with Dad and went home. Mom wasn’t home but H was. I was angry at him because he ate something of mine. I went to the fridge and saw tons of little muffins and cupcakes and cakes of all kinds, there was one that was dolled up to look like a key lime pie on top. I took a plate which already had some desserts on it and switched a cupcake that had chocolate frosting with bits of pink icing on it with one that had both chocolate frosting and chocolate icing. Then suddenly I was with mom and we were going to a restaurant, it was Japanese, as we were ordering Dad marches in holding a plate of something (spaghetti?). He is angry at mom for not saying we were going out and mom was mad at him for barging in like that and making a scene. We leave. I am with mom and dad who are still angry and we are around the East bank campus of the U of M. I lose mom and dad for a second as they angrily march away and search for them through dark streets with punks lounging everywhere. I find them, they seemed a little concerned about my absence. I end up going to some sort of mailing center where there are a lot of protesters meeting. They have all converted to Islam (most do not seem to be middle eastern, but rather…Midwestern.). And they give me a white chocolate covered pretzel to eat and do some sort of blessing on me. I say, Sorry but I’m an atheist. I start to leave noticing the large inserter for DVDs from Netflix and other things. I am driving with mom and dad away from home. As we pass PDQ I see a baby sitting in a large constructed manger in the middle of the road. It cries as oncoming vehicles pass spraying it with sand and grit. I see the boy that gave me the blessing and I nod at him. I am saying something to everyone (H is sitting next to me) but then I look down at my right leg. I see an almost transparent pinkish thing poking up from it. It almost escapes but I grab on to it and pull it from my leg. It is a large worm that is writhing like a snake. I drop it on to the floor of the car where it wriggles around. As I yell and scream no one believes me. I manage to open the car door (while it’s moving) and suck the horrible thing out. I keep looking at my leg worrying that there will be more. Mood: bored Music: Do I Disappoint You - Rufus Wainwright

	2008.04.29  08.58 Last night a dream about being in a large building, like a maze of corridors leading in and out of the buildings of a college campus. As usual trying to escape something. I really don't remember much. I know I jumped from a window into a large pool. I was exceedingly happy sleeping in my own bed for once. But this morning since my brother decided to sleep on the couch last night (he lives in the basement (yes, he is the 25 yr old living in his parents basement, but he probably has more education than you so I would stifle that laugh) and the basement was somewhat flooded recently with all the rain and smells rather badly)). His alarm went off early in the morning to wake me up. Sometimes life just hands you lemon after lemon. I like lemonade, but I think many people would agree it is much more satisfying to piss and moan than to make lemonade. Last night my brother told me that he snooped (he swears only accidentally) on one of his friends computer while he was checking his e-mail. He found that the guy was a very active member on some hentai forum. He drew pictures of Kim Possible naked some guy taking her from behind. My brother looked at me and said isn't that sick. "What's wrong with my friend." "It's like a pedophile in the making." I have to agree about Kim Possible. I don't know how anyone could look at a character in a children's cartoon in a sexual way. But my bro went on to talk about his images of Hinata from Naruto or blah blah other anime characters. And I just nodded. Yeah, it's sick, I said. I myself read manga or other comics and stuff that has sexual acts going on in it (not hentai, stuff with a plot.) Am I sick? I don't really think so. Am I different from my brother's friend? I don't know. I am glad that I share very little of what I am actually like with anyone. I'd hate it if my brother lost respect for me. I couldn't stand it if he looked at me with the eyes he had when he talked about his friend. I'm only human. I can't persecute his friend for looking at his kiddie hentai his disney porn. It's something I'm not interested in in the slightest, I'm not turned on by prepubescent people. Augh. Ah well. What can I do. I already hate the ways that I act, the thoughts that I think. It's just another thing to be ashamed of, added to all the others. Just another reason never to trust anyone with your true feelings or thoughts. All love is conditional. Unconditional love is a myth, a lie. The truth. I don't even love half of my family. No matter how much I try, when I hug my grandmother I know that I feel nothing for her. When we visit her I'd rather be at home, I resent having to get out of bed. I hate myself for not feeling whatever people who love feel, the people who love their family even if they have nothing in common, love them even if they fight, love them even through annoying habits. I hate May. I wish it wouldn't come. I wish it would drop off the calendar. Spring sucks. Mood: cranky Music: The Day He Didn't Die - Mighty Mighty Bosstones

	2008.04.28  11.47 Triumphant Return to Food and Sleep Not much happening. I am boring. Stop reading now! Save yourself! I watched I am Legend the other day. Creepy, I guess. But I think maybe I should read the book. Somehow I feel like the more interesting parts of the story were by-passed here. I would have liked to know what happened before the "present" of the movie or what happened where the movie cut out. I liked the 70s version "Omega Man" much better. I was hoping that they would pay some sort of homage to it (Omega Man) by putting in something risky, something that would send a message and comment on current issues. The 70s version had inter-racial love to go along with it's other themes of science and religion. I felt like the newer version fell far short. It was just another predictable blockbuster re-make. Not saying that I didn't enjoy watching it. I was entertained. The disk had some comics as a special feature, though, which was what really made it worthwhile for me. Those were much more interesting than the movie itself. I finished reading a book called, "The Glass Books of the Dream Eaters" by Gordon Dahlquist (I'm not sure if I spelled the last name correctly and too lazy to check). It was interesting, quite long, but still a pretty fast read. I almost feel like it should be the beginning to a series or trilogy at least. The ending was not entirely satisfying to me although it was fairly conclusive. I just felt it was a little rushed at the end. Could have gone on another 100 pages or so if I had anything to say about it. But I suppose every ending is another beginning and all that. I didn't sleep well at the house. It is a creepy place, it has a hole in the basement floor big enough for a human to crawl through. I'm afraid of the dark and paranoid and have an over-active imagination. Those added to the fact that I watched creepy movies and television shows (yes, I am quite stupid) before turning in. Well...my eyes dried out staring into the darkness. But now, finally I have returned home. To my sweet dog, to my own dark cramped home. Big houses. I don't like them. I like feeling the calming presence of stacks of books all around me. I like the clutter of walkways formed through boxes of papers and magazines. I like a clean kitchen stocked with all manner of tasty non-processed food. None of these were present in the strange creepy house. I have no disillusionment about my home. I know that most people would look in and say, "Your house is a mess." Yes, it is. But it is not dirty. The floor is clean, the shelves and piles of paper and stacks of books are dusted. The counter tops are washed, and have no stains. There is a difference between cluttered and dirty. The house I was staying at was not cluttered. It was large compared to my tiny house. But it was dirty. The floor had muddy tracks all over it and was gritty with bits of wood and well..dirt. The counter tops were stained. The dishes all had a film on them. There was nothing but rubbish from Costco or Sam's Club or horror Walmart to eat. No tea. Need I say more? I also am not disillusioned that I'm a snob. I like what I like. Some people wear brand name clothing. Some people spend their money on large televisions and sound systems. I spend my money on good food, natural healthy food. I won't eat bland, insipid so-called convenience foods. Mood: calm Music: Samson - Regina Spektor

	2008.04.21  09.20 Not much up lately. I've been working a lot again lately, 10 hr shifts 7 days a week at my mom's place. Also doing volunteer work at the lib and dogsitting. Too much crap after too much free time. Dreams. Haven't been recording them soon enough lately. Last night something about a hotel and swimming pool. The night before something about my crazy Aunt watching a documentary about artists that had clown make-up on. A dream where I had another dog besides my real dog and felt bad because I didn't love it as I loved my own dog. I am tired, one of my arms hurts a lot, one of my ears feels like I'm constantly going through altitude changes and my scalp is peeling off of my head. I need a doctor but I've no insurance so I've been putting it off. At least I've got some money coming in now. I've been wanting to just start driving. Go on a road trip again. I've got wanderlust. I hate being stuck here. Here as in, my parents house, in a job I don't desire, in-between friends. I'm drowning in my own patheticness here. haha. Man, I need to slap myself and get it over with. A friend that up and left 2 years ago saying she needed to "find herself" came back and entered my house while I was at work. Actually getting into my house and leaving a note on my door. She always was spontaneous and impulsive. I tried to pretend that I didn't find the note, but then my mother (who worries about my friendless state) made me answer the phone when she called. So now I have to meet up with her for lunch. What's the point. On the phone she told me that at the end of summer she's moving to Ohio with some dude she met on the Internet. I didn't say, "So what's new." But I really wanted to say it. It's better to have no friends than friends who just want to use you when they're lonely and bored. I'm losing hope for humanity. Are all people selfish dicks? Mood: Paranoid introspective (bad) Music: Mad World - Gary Jules

	2008.03.25  09.36 Another night another Nightmare I had a dream about being one of three subordinates to a really evil man. We were traveling through some strange catacombs or sewers. We came across a man whom my boss had ordered to be killed. He and a woman were sitting on the floor of the sewer and looked dead. But I noticed something strange about the man. We walked on, but my boss smiled to himself. He also had noticed that the man was faking. He had used some sort of mild poison to slow his heartbeat, but my boss knew. He did something and the man was filled with poison that stopped his body from functioning. His internal organs seemed to liquefy and he started to just fall apart. Another person came into the area (like a janitor or someone) and saw that and started throwing up. I wasn't looking, but I felt like throwing up too. I knew that if I didn't look I would be okay. So we moved on. I had to build something or make something because I was the newest helper of my boss. The other two (one was female the other male) looked dubious and afraid all the time. The woman was more helpful to me and told me things that would be good. As we shopped in some humongous warehouse. The other man was always quiet. Suddenly some store guards stopped us and told us we had to lay down on the floor while the searched our stuff. The two tried to dissuade them, saying that they would be killed if they didn't leave them alone. We were ushered into a parking lot. There were trailers (the kind you hook behind cars and take on trips) all over in the parking lot. I thought about the people inside them having no idea what fear was, not having to be worried about being killed, like I did. Suddenly our boss appeared from inside the closest one. He laughed at the guard and ordered a couple trucks to be brought out. Then he forced the guard to have his hands tied to one and his legs to the other. The three of us turned around and started walking quickly back to the store, we didn't want to see what was happening. I heard the man screaming and then nothing. Mood: morose Music: In a Graveyard - Rufus Wainwright

	2008.03.24  10.49 Return to Sanity? Yesterday I returned to my own world. My own, wonderful bed. I slept very well, with no annoying alarm clock waking me up at 5 am or insane dog barking randomly throughout the night. Though I'm still feeling sore from those days of shoveling I feel much better at home. Last night I dreamed about some weird stuff. I was riding in a helicopter with some other people, most of which were former friends or acquaintances. I had a couple books and was wearing my newest pair of glasses, but since the prescription is insane I can't wear them. Somehow we were all dropped out of the helicopter and had to scramble around this tunnel gathering our stuff if we dropped it. I found many many pairs of old glasses and started gathering them up. I had to have one of my friends help me. Then I went back to look for my book, but realized quickly that I already had it in my arms. I ran back to my friend who was about to drop all my glasses because she wanted to move on. I felt relieved that I managed to save my glasses horde. Then we went to church. It was very strange and had different levels and arms, so facing away from the main alter and having their own altar space. My friend seemed desperate to see something/one in the church and wasn't happy when we were forced to sit away from the main area. I was happy, since I could relax there and not pretend to pay attention. That is all I remember. I think I'll sit around all day today and not do anything. I still feel tired. Mood: groggy Music: Why Don't You Get A Job - The Offspring

	2008.03.23  09.33 Sick of Winter Yet? Last night I had a weird dream about being a younger version of me and traveling around England with a bunch of other kids. At one point I saw two of the adults that were with us had dressed up a zombies and they said they were going to some party or something. I really wanted to dress as a zombie too, but the adults said that I'd need to get two other people to go with or I couldn't go. Of course none of the other kids wanted to do it. So I didn't get to go. Then another kid asked me to help them cook something because they didn't know how. I said something about them not helping me so why should I help them. But I ended up helping them anyway. When they asked me I was in the bathroom putting on Zombie make-up anyway. In other news I am so sore right now that I cannot move without feeling every muscle cry out in pain. And it has been snowing all morning so that I'm going to have to shovel the driveway again before I leave. Every morning at 5:00 an alarm goes off. At first I got up right away to flip it off, but then it went off again at 5:30 (luckily it stayed off after I turned it off that time). In the morning I tried to figure out how to turn the cursed thing off, but it is so old and has 4 different alarm settings. It had a lot of different buttons which may have been labeled at some point but is so old that they have rubbed off. So since I didn't want to screw it up for the owners (who should probably have thought to turn it off in the first place) I just left it. So every morning at 5 the alarm goes off and I try to ignore it for a half hour before I can stumble out of bed and turn it off. This is not good for my nerves. It continues to snow in huge wet looking flakes. I'm not looking forward to shoveling. sigh. Mood: sore Music: Kidz Cereal - Z

	2008.03.22  14.57 Suburbia I'm typing for once not from my citadel of security but from the innards of suburban cookie cutter housing. The houses crowd around each other so that I could easily spy on my neighbors tracking them from room to room. This makes me nervous, I keep the shades drawn. My mission here is to watch a dog by the name of Capt. Jack Sparrow. Like his namesake he is a scoundrel that conspires to drive anyone within earshot insane with his unending jabbering. In other words the dog stole my pizza as I turned to grab a plate and his incessant barking is driving me not so slowly to the brink of sanity. Is there a bed smaller than a twin? If so, then I am now sleeping in it. I'm all for free movement while sleeping. This tiny space hinders me and I find myself cramped and sleeping on my back all night. (Which for me is three hours, the sleep time I allow myself while in unfamiliar environs.) The home belongs to a Post Master and a high school level teacher. Therefore I find it extremely strange that there is not a bookshelf to be found in the entire house. I have already consumed both books I brought with me and with two more days trapped in the throws of boredom I can't imagine what they must do for fun around here. The television only receives four channels and they only have a dial-up internet connection. This is mind boggling to me. Luckily I found a stupid neighbor with an unprotected wireless connection I'm now leeching on. The only DVDs I could find were a collection of what I can only imagine must be every season of the television show "Friends." I almost succumbed. Luckily I was saved by Those Aren't Muskets and VanSessions sketches on YouTube. There is also very little food. One of my requests upon taking jobs such as these is that the owners leave me some sort of food on which I can sustain myself during my stay. These people have done me wrong. They left me a jug of iced green tea and a drawer of slightly off fruit. As well as a note telling me to make sure to eat all of the cantaloupe. I do not like cantaloupe, but have been eating it steadily for three days. I still do not like the taste. I have been surviving on crackers, cheese and fruit. Yesterday however, I broke and bought some frozen dinners from a nearby Cub grocery store. Normally I shun shopping at such places, preferring the slightly more expensive but much more satisfactory food stuffs of my local co-op. In more pressing news, while shopping I did not think to buy more tea. I have run out of tea. I feel like a car on my last gallon of gas every morning now. I've been drinking the iced-tea, but I prefer hot black tea. It also has been steadily snowing since the day I got here. Only one day has been sunny enough for me to take Jackie Boy for a walk. Which is not such a bad thing, since the dog seems not to understand simple commands such as, "heel, stop, whoa, no or bad." He also has a difficult time understanding "come, sit and shut the hell up." He also might have OCD since in a similar compulsion to that of the defective detective Monk he found it necessary, not only to touch, but also urinate on every tree, pole or other vaguely pole like object on our trail. I did not let him pee on mailboxes despite his obvious desire. You need to draw the line somewhere. I have taken to informing Jack of his many faults and how much better my dog is in comparison to him. I don't think he understands because no matter what I remark on he continues to wag his stumpy tail in ignorant bliss. Whenever I prepare my fruit meals he stands at the ready waiting for his chance to jump onto the counter and steal whatever sustenance I've been able to conjure from this barren place. Today, after a conversation with the owner of the house and dog, I endeavored to shovel the snow from their driveway. I hadn't realized that their driveway was quite as big as it is until today. I began the job and quickly found that under the blanket of fluffy snow was a sheet of impenetrable ice. I decided to believe that it will most likely melt before long and I need not take the time to chip it all off. Instead I moved on down the driveway. Jack, of course, was frolicking in the snow and destroying what shrubbery he could uncover. Any time a lump of snow happened to fall near him he would bark at it until I threw his red treat ball to take his attention from it. After an hour of mind-numbing and unpleasant exertion I found that I'd only managed to uncover half the driveway, and only a quarter of it was completely ice free. My hair had worked it's way free of it's bindings and was now stuck to the dried spittle on my lips. It hurt to pry it free. I thought about putting my energies to better use and building large snow men in front of the garage door. Then I re-considered, I haven't been paid yet and such a stunt might hinder a timely and well-rounded return for my efforts. My pants were feeling heavy with dirty snow near the bottom. In general I was feeling a bit haggard. I went inside deciding to take a well-deserved break. When I again emerged (after downing a large cup of cold ice tea and reading some McSweeney's to improve my mood) I shoveled the rest. During this time a man brought out a large snow blower to his driveway. Although I only had half the space to shovel the man finished before I did. It was all I could do to not flip him the bird. And the only because I hoped he would push his helpful machine over a house to help me out. He didn't. I was slightly appeased that Jack started barking at him the moment he appeared from his front door. But only until I realized that Jack would not stop barking until the man disappeared again. No matter how I pleaded the neurotic dog would race around the house only to stop at the sight of the man and yap his infuriating yap again and again until I had a mind to shovel more than snow at him. The fact that the neighbors couldn't decide whether they were coming or going and drove past me (probably on numerous suburban errands) waving and smiling at least three times did not help my mood. I may need new caps for my molars as I might have ground them completely down again. Finally I shoveled what I felt could be the last shovel of the day. The driveway was by no means completely snow and ice free, but enough so that I felt certain that I would have no trouble getting out of Dodge once the time comes. To add insult to strained muscles and unhinged nerves before I left the driveway it began to snow. Again. I could not restrain myself at that moment from shaking my fist at the heavens. Glimpsed a curtain quickly falling into place at the neighbors. Hurried inside. Hope that my shoveling endeavors don't end up on YouTube. Mood: Exhausted and Crazy Music: We're A Happy Family - The Ramones

	2008.03.14  08.02 Nausea I woke up feeling sick again today. I think my dreams are aging me as I sleep. I wake up feeling like my skin is peeling off my muscles, like I'm atrophying. My eyes still feel tired and it feels like it takes too much energy to keep my eyes from looking down. From sinking into my bottom eyelid. My first dream was strange and depressing. There were at least six people being held as experiment subjects on a spaceship. All seemed to be male save one. They were kept in small cages, sedated. Woken up and prodded like rats. They, of course, are trying to escape. One guy decided that he could make it to a planet by floating off into space. Of course that was suicide. I'm not sure if it was lucky for him that he was caught. At one point one of the people yells at the scientists asking them why they are doing this, why are they kept sedated? The scientist replies, looking very unkempt, "For you it's been six days, for us it has been six years." One "patient" is brought to a lab and given large blue pills. This is the paranoid man who tried to escape. The doctor tells him to take three pills, but is offered a large stainless steel bowl full of the pills. The man grabs hand fulls of the pills. Spilling them all over. The doctor then removes all but three from the man's weak hands. As the doctor talks looking over a chart the nurse who has been sitting behind a operating table scoops up a pill and pops it into her mouth. Then the doctor starts talking about the man's sperm sample holding up a jar. He said that it is "half-rancid, but still usable, the best yet." The guy isn't listening because he has officially gone off the deep end. He is drooling, mumbling and his eyes dart wildly around the room. Patients leave themselves notes, because they cannot tell how long they are sleeping, days, years. The drugs affect their memories. It seems to me that they aren't really in space, but on Earth and this is some sort of elaborate hoax. As much as this just seems like a crazy dream, it was so vivid and sad to me. There was much more to it than this, but thankfully the only thing that remains is this and a sick feeling that has settled in my very core. I woke up at around 3:30 AM to write notes on this one. It took me awhile to get back to sleep. I always try to imagine happy things, things that I would like to dream about, but it doesn't work for me. I've tried to train myself in lucid dreaming, but it seems like my brain doesn't want me to have a say. I don't think that my brain is me. My brain is a tool to store my thoughts and help me survive, but it doesn't make me who I am. I do not believe in souls, but that is the closest thing to describing whatever it is that gives one their unique identity. Anyway. The next dream I had was similar to the first. Three people were held captive in my basement. In the less than stellar bathroom we have down there. Locked in. They managed to escape and set a trap for their persecutor. When he, a large man, came down and opened the door, he pushed in really hard bursting into the room. However something happened when he did that and he found himself smashed into the wall some sort of face mask pumping something into his face. He was disoriented and fell down. The three locked him into the room. He died down there. Then it got more personal. Suddenly the three people were myself, D my bros friend and my bro. To cover up the death of the large man we had to track down his boss. A woman. She was middle aged, in a wheelchair. We ended up killing more people in strange fashions. This older man, who was evil, but we pumped him full of something that made him puke up half his large girth, becoming deflated. A large lump of sagging flesh. He was still alive. The woman in the wheelchair unfolded her legs out from underneath herself and got up from the chair dragging the horrible thing into the chair. He was still puking, and extremely disgusting in visage. My bapa came over and started to figure out something was wrong. D started to plan how to kill him. I threatened D that if he even tried I would kill him. Everything was starting to get out of hand. I don't really feel like talking about it anymore. Usually talking/writing about my scary dreams makes me feel better, but this isn't working. I feel ill and depressed but I can't stay in bed because that just makes it worse. I love sleeping and dreaming, but when it gets like this, where every night I have these types of dreams, bloody, disgusting and emotionally stressful, I can't get any rest anyway. I wonder if sleep medicines take away dreams? Mood: nauseated Music: Two-Headed Boy - Neutral Milk Hotel

	2008.03.13  07.25 Korean Horror Fest Last night I had a dream about escaping from a hospital. It started out with two characters, a young boy and girl. Both were dressed in school uniforms and appeared to be Korean. They were slowly moving through corridors, lurching is the best way to describe their movements. The boy has a strange white conch like shape protruding from his face, which is completely destroyed by this thing. His hands are wrapped in bandages, but it's readily apparent that his fingers are all missing. On both hands. The bandages are hanging off and extremely bloody. Behind him is the girl, she is holding onto his shoulders, because she too seems to be blinded. I don't get as good a look at her face though as she is pressed closely to the boy. They move through the wards of the hospital and in the background I can see something. But not clearly, because there is a soft focus on the pair and everything in the background is blurry. I also cannot move the camera angle so I cannot get a good look at some white blur in the background, but it is another lurching shape, perhaps someone or thing near death (or already dead) but still stumbling. Unseeing like the others. Then the dream flashes to another scene, in the past. I can see my two characters, both happy and whole. Another couple people, only one of which I have a memory of, an older man, also Korean. I don't remember what, but these three witness something that makes them certain they must escape from the hospital. They go through the hallways, one of which I recognize as the hallway from the end of the dream. They pass through the exact spot two of them will later lurch through and get to a stairway. I remember something, like there was another man who they managed to escape from by getting to the stairway, he didn't see them and passed on by. However, they hear the door to the stairway open as they are a couple flights down. The boy decides to have a peer up after a while of not hearing anything. And he sees a woman. Black hair, business attire. She is crouched in a pile of corpses and looks up as he peers over. He quickly retreats and they start moving more hastily down the stairs. He tells them that the woman is waiting in the doorway for people, then killing them. They don't seem to know yet why some people have begun attacking others. Or what the woman was doing crouched among the corpses, but like dramatic irony, of course I know. She was up there eating the flesh of those she killed. I can't wake up, even though I don't want to find out any more. I find some frightening dreams interesting, even through the scariness. This isn't one of them. I've had this kind of dream too many times for it to interest me anymore. They get out of the hospital, which seems to be surrounded by a grassy field and a tall fence. I don't remember if there was barbed wire at the top or not, but the fence did lean inward at the top, which would make it difficult to climb. The three went to the gate of the fence, which had two parts. The first door in the gate was opened and lead into a walkway of fencing and another gate. Like a tube out into the world. The end gate was closed, but looked like it was an easy exit, there was no alarm going up, it seemed no one yet knew of the crisis. The three characters start heading up the walkway, but are stopped by a rent-a-cop. He directs them back toward the hospital to give their statements (or something) and the girl and older man listen to him and return. The other kid doesn't turn back though, he starts running toward the exit. This was difficult, because I already knew the ending, so even though I really wanted him to escape, I knew he wouldn't. The guard stops him again. He tells the guard that he just saw his mother's heart ripped out and eaten and he needs to leave. This seems to take the guard back and the kid takes his chance to escape. However the delay cost him time and the fence tube/hallway is filling with frightened people. He is re-joined by just the girl. I never find out what happened to the older man (I am glad for that). People are yelling and going insane with fear and the two other characters notice something else too. They see some of the people looking around with crazy eyes. Looking at people with hunger. The boy jumps and grabs onto the fence trying to climb up to the top. But the top of the fence is curved inward and meets the other side, giving a ceiling to the hallway. He is trying to press through the overlap between the two sides, trying to fold back the fence so he can escape. Other people join his crazy flight. People really start rioting. Then another young student type is on the fence climbing toward the boy. The boy tries to climb away but is easily captured as he seems to be more the nerd type and the other boy a bully type. He's got crazy eyes and he keeps focusing on the boys hands. He has nice hands. His fingers are long and his nails, although not girly, are nice, not long, but not nail bitten. It is odd that I use that turn of phrase. After finding his attempts at escape are proven useless. The boy looks at the crazy kid, who now is in possession of one of his hands and staring at it his mouth nearly watering, looking possessed. The boy asks him if he wants to eat his hand. The crazy kid nods. The boy asks him if he lets him eat his fingers if he'll let him go. The crazy kid nods. The rest of the world is going crazy around him, people are getting killed. I have no idea what is happening to the girl. I have a feeling that at the other end of the fence tube thing, the door is being closed. There is no escape. I know that the kid will offer his fingers at least to the crazy kid who will rip them off, and he and the girl will escape from the fence area back into the hospital, but somehow I just don't want to see that. I wake up feeling ill and scared again. Mood: Horrified & Ill Music: Alyda - Yo La Tengo

	2008.03.12  09.33 Tentacles! Last night I dreamt of a series of strange worlds where me and a group of people had to rescue people from these Lovecraftesque creatures. In one world we were inside a large cookie cutter type house trying to get a little kid out. They were showing us their favorite hiding places from the creatures. We entered a room that had all these aquariums with frogs inside. They were old pinball machines and arcade games that were filled with marsh or tropical plants and greenery. It was strange. There were windows in the room that looked out onto a mainstreet like set-up with cobblestone streets, street lamps and quaint little shops. This creature had tentacles which snaked through the house trying to capture the child, we ran outside into the streets. There was a woman, who was the teacher to this kid, and apparently worked for whatever evil desired these kids. However she gave me a paper, that on one side seemed to have a threatening though nonsensical message. But when I flipped it over I realized that the words backwards made more sense and were actually her trying to help us. We went to a different world somehow then. More of a desert landscape, we were inside something like a large green house. When I got up, my dog puked up a sock. My mother had left her socks out again. Someone had ripped the wrong side of the Netflix so I had to tape it shut. The computer had been shut off wrong and I had to unplug the whole thing to get to work again. The neighbor let his dog crap in our yard. So far it's not off to a good day. Mood: aggravated Music: Civil Twilight - The Weakerthans

	2008.03.04  08.55 Sleeping and Dreaming. Two different things. So, obviously I've failed my new years resolution. I'm just not good at this whole write everyday thing. I wish I was good at it, because I think I actually could write something worth while if only I'd concentrate on writing. Yesterday my bro told me news of meeting S (the heart-breaking abandoner) and S telling him that she saw another former friend of ours, A, and A said that she is now lesbian. What the hell!? Why couldn't they have been bi and gay back in high school? Stupid. Apparently her last boyfriend turned her gay. Yeah, right. If you're not lesbian from the get go I doubt you could "turn" lesbian. Personally I never have cared much whether a person is female or male, I would have dated both of these former friends, but they seemed to be straight and really quite dense. As much as I flirt (I'm not much of a flirter) I flirted with both of these girls during H S. And only now do they come out. Well I think it is just part of a fad. It's cool to be bi, and now everyone and their mother is suddenly bi. To finish up I had a dream about a girl I knew in H S. I'll call her H. I was a boy and she was my girlfriend. But she was driving me crazy. She didn't like the apartment I bought. She didn't like the car I bought. So I said I'd had enough and left. My mother sided with H saying I should have consulted H before buying stuff, but it was with my own money and it wasn't like I was married to H. My father sided with me, but of course couldn't stand up to my mother. I ran out of the apartment and into a city that looked like Chicago. I chased after buses trying to get on a Campus Connector from the U of M (since I could ride that for free). But they were always just out of reach. Mood: sleepy Music: Ben Folds Five - Brick

	2008.02.28  08.24 Zombie Dreamer A dream about zombies. I was in a bank, surrounded by zombies. I ran around the bank pursued by a zombie bank teller. A cute blonde in a pink wrap dress. I hid inside some strange surveillance room, that had heavy locks on the inside for some reason. The zombie quickly figured out where I had gone, I could see on the camera and was trying to get in. I tried to contact the outside world. Some zombies were dressed in costumes as if they'd just come from Barney on Ice or something.

	2008.02.14  08.25 Bizarre Last night I dreamed of waking up in an abandoned hotel. Inside of it was a large frozen courtyard, which like Narnia seemed to stretch forever, but was fully contained within the hotel. I was with a group of other people, but strangely we were all cave people. I had some sort of disagreement with my fellows and with my horse (and some other hoofed animal perhaps a reindeer) moved into the courtyard area where I found a broken down shack. I fixed a leak in the ceiling and lived there for some time before the others came for me because they had found something. It was a large van, and inside the van was a computer. Of course none of the cave people knew how to use that stuff, but I did. And another person who seemed to be modern like myself (I think it was he whom I had the disagreement with before) also knew what the stuff was. We decided to drive around in the van and try to figure out what happened to the world by using the internet. We were driving around the long stretches of hotel hallway, and using the internet when we saw a truck coming towards us. Before the truck came all I could see was that the internet must have stopped being updated at a specific date. Two of our party were out of the van at that point peeing on the hotel walls or something. We turned around and urged them to get into the van, but the brakes didn't work very well so we could never come to a complete stop. Other people seemed to be laying in a trance all around the hotel. Although we never saw that truck again we did meet people who looked like they were straight out of the 70s. They taunted us telling us that we would never escape the hotel. I think they thought we all had the intellect of cave people. I just told the driver to follow the glowing exit signs. When we saw the doorway leading out after going down many stairways and other obstacles there was another fat balding 70s dressed man blocking our way out and loading a shot gun. The driver guy pulled out a small pistol and shot it over his shoulder as we barreled towards the door. He didn't hit the man, but was close enough to get him to duck behind a counter. We broke through the door into a summer evening. We knew that the hotel people had their own cars and guns and were probably pretty mad at us. There were other cars speeding around the streets. They seemed to go in packs, but no one stopped to bother us as we went full blast down the street. We were on the wrong side of the road, but none of the cars honked at us or chased us they just passed on the other side. When we switched sides we would still end up on the same side as a pack of cars so I don't think laws applied anymore. No one else seemed to be going the same way we were. When we were running out of gas we stopped when we saw an abandoned car which contained gas and even had a gas container. The rest of the dream was just continued fearful driver, we still felt that we were being chased by the hotel people. The night before last I dreamt that as usual it was some post apocalyptic date. I was part of a mass migration of people. We loaded tons of water and food onto the backs of oxen and were traveling southward with them. However people and oxen were dropping at every turn. The food reached one stop and we had to wait for the water people to catch up, but it seems that they were really suffering with the heavy water. Then I was entering a large factory that seemed to be in the process of breaking down. It was like a corporate cattle processing plant. Only instead of cows there were humongous sentient rabbits. The size of cattle. It seems they were engineered by people in the future to replace the diseased cattle herds. The bunnies had ragged white coats and were at this point rebelling against their fates and escaping into the wild. They too had a difficult time of it with the large waves of face melting steam that would erupt from the factory. As they crossed through an empty valley outside the factory and beyond the tall barb-wire fence that had collapsed they saw and slightly feared even larger black bunnies that were apparently earlier escapees that had survived in the wilds. The other group of migrating people also saw the bunnies and were very afraid of them. Apparently they were flesh eaters. But the black and white bunnies talked about joining together. I have a feeling the humans were going to have a new enemy...but I woke up to my alarm clock. I'm somewhat glad that I didn't have to see what could have happened, but also somewhat disappointed. Mood: amused Music: Love as Laughter - Dirty Lives

	2008.02.12  12.49 Cold I don't remember my dream very well. At some point during the early morning I woke up and wrote these fragments about my dream some of which I can place others...not so much: I wrote, "This will end a social disease the belief that we can be saved by anything other than our own means." Not sure about this at all. What I do remember, I was in an large office building with the job of watching two bratty girls. I wrote "two brats in office." I wrote, "grocery store loot clippers." I remember that I dreamt I was in a grocery store that was being looted and I of course started filling my cart with tea and candy bars. However before I could get out the owners of the store came in and I knew that I would have to pay. I was afraid of what my mother would say when I came home with none of the groceries she asked for only tea and candy. I wrote, "Drug guy interview virgin ceremony two at top." I really have no idea on this one. Something weird that's for sure. I think it had something to do with the first thing I wrote. I wrote, "Blind man sees me." I believe that this was part of the office dream I was trying to corral the two hellions as a blind man holding a cane in each hand walked towards us. But he looked into my eyes. Mood: cold Music: The Weakerthans - Uncorrected Proofs

	2008.02.11  07.41 My farm life with Australian mountain climbers. Last night I had another dream with a sheep in it. It was a white (if any sheep can be called white since they are bastions of filth.) and was not frightening to me. It had gotten into my house and I was leading it out when it unloaded a ton of droppings in my living room. I put it outside. In fact my entire house was filled with animals. They all wanted my attention, but I only wanted to be with my dog who was outside puking in my yard. I wanted to go and help her, but other animals kept getting in my way. Next there was a pangolin that I picked up and slung over my shoulder like a child. I carried it to a bedroom and tried to fill this "pangolin" treat toy (like a dog toy that dispenses treats as they play with it or figure out how to get at the treats) with little heart shaped treats. I was hoping that it would keep the creature happy as I left. There was something else having to do with me being part of a Reel Big Fish cover band. And skiing down a slope in the summer through long grass, with some Australian mountain climbers. Who were part of the armed forces...? I don't know. That is just what I recall. Mood: chipper Music: James Taylor - Machine Gun Kelly

	2008.02.10  08.36 Strange Worlds The night before last I didn't sleep well, my mind was consumed by frightening thoughts so I feared closing my eyes. It's sad to say, but at 23 years old I'm still afraid of the dark. I'm still afraid of things in the night. I know it is impossible and that it is all in my mind. I watched a movie called The Dark during that day and it involved dirty black evil looking sheep. I already fear sheep and goats a little (they are at times scary looking, it's the eyes). I shouldn't watch frightening movies anymore. I didn't even watch it at night, but still it haunted my brain. Instead I played video games all night to keep my mind off of it. When I finally calmed down enough to sleep it was near morning and I dreamed of that stupid girl again. Though I cannot remember anymore details now than that. Last night I had another odd dream. I was an middle aged man, perhaps in my late 30's early 40's and i was renovating a house or something. I had a fellow in the job, who I think didn't like me. I would be planing down wood, but there would be something in the wood that I couldn't get out of the wood. Of course this being one of my dreams no one would believe me. I knew that there was something off about the house that we were renovating. Then we were driving down the road and there were two large trucks behind us carrying large wooden boats or maybe houses. I'm not sure. One of the drivers was impatient and we sped up to get out of his way. We were in the left lane and we passed the other large truck. Both trucks then tried to move into the left lane at the same time and of course the large wooden thing in the back of the first truck (driven by a woman) came into contact with the front of the impatient man's truck. The woman kept going. Then something happened that I don't remember. We pulled over at a farm with him, but the farm was flooded. He needed four new tires he told us. Since the woman (I don't know how this happened) had shot them. But the problem was that he needed to use the farm that was partially under water. So we helped him take the wheels and put them between two wooden horses to patch them. Reaching under the water at times to get things or move the tires. It was dark out and again I got the creepy feeling that something was not right. There was much more to this dream that I cannot remember. Mainly I remember the man trying to rub out a spot that won't come out and feeling that there was something wrong. I wish that I could remember all my dreams the way I remember some of them, but I'll take what I can get. Though I wish I would once, just once, have a good dream that was vivid and remember it. All the vivid dreams that I can remember minutely have been nightmares. Why is that? Mood: cold Music: Andrew Bird - Spare Ohs

	2008.02.08  08.36 Stealing Tea Last nights dream was fairly strange. Even for me. I was in a concentration camp. Some people were marked by having to wear a hood. People were crying all over the place. My immediate family including my nana and bapa were there. I was trying to figure out a way to get out of the place. The people who were running the camp kept us in a strange amphitheater. They were all different looking, but wore some sort of uniform, but I can't remember the details that well. There was one that was an albino with dwarfism (I know...) that would help us and he helped me sneak into a library, where I realized quickly it was wrong. I needed a non-fiction children's book and he put me into the children's library not realizing that non-fiction children's books are kept with the adults. Just then they were bringing in more people and I recognized one person from High School a person I haven't even thought about for years and didn't really know in HS. So strange. In my dream I ignored them. I had bigger fish to fry. I and my brother left the library area empty handed. Except for a bag of chamomile tea that I took from a box on the librarian's desk. There was also decaf Earl Grey, but I don't drink decaf so I left it. I'd rather have an herbal that might put me to sleep I guess. We went back to the theater area where they were ushering out all the people. That is all I can remember. I know there was more that happened before my explanation and more after, but I just can't remember it. Mood: awake Music: Of Montreal - Oslo in the Summertime

	2008.02.06  09.41 Eating and Fighting Often I have dreams where I am presented with a banquet of food. Usually of the dessert persuasion, cakes and chocolates of many types. I also often have dreams where I am fighting someone/group of people/creatures. Last night I had a dream that combined the two. I was at a large mansion full of rich snobby people to whom I was somehow related. Some people I knew were in the dream, such as a former friend dressed in black tie and tails. As well as another kid who seemed to be dressed up as the same person (I could see black hair under a reddish wig). Only he was wearing a very 20's brown suit. I was walking around this large party with my brother and we pretty much ignored everyone else as we discussed something. I got the feeling at the party that we weren't well liked. We walked through strange scenes, one sticking out particularly in my mind, there were children with faux hawks playing musical chairs which they invited my brother to join, but he didn't want to join since they were all kids. I then teased my brother for being attractive only to 5th graders. But then there was the huge banquet. Strangely impressive in it's large selection of breads. Toasted breads. I ate many pieces of toasted whole grain, cranberry, cinnamon, etc. breads. Then while we walked outside to a large garden patio area with a large pool a man dressed rather oddly old world French style (powdered wig and such) came out and challenged me. Apparently I had taken his spot in the line of succession and he meant to chop my head off. I yelled at my bro to throw me a sword, which he did. Poorly. It landed a couple feet from me almost in the pool. I lunged for it as the man jumped into the pool. I unsheathed the sword (a light fencing type sword) and we fought around the pool until I eventually killed the man. Beyond my love for toast and fighting (though usually not with swords) I'm not sure what this dream meant. Except that I know I felt happy in the dream when my brother ignored his friends and continued walking with me instead of joining them and leaving me alone. Mood: lonely Music: Of Montreal - A Question for Emily Foreman

	2008.02.04  10.40 Last of the Backlog Just to note, many of these seem partial or end abruptly because I'm awoken by my alarm clock to go to work. One: Children and two mothers are visiting Mexico. They find some old Incan ruins. It is beautiful and sunny as they explore the inside of this building. As it becomes dark they are so enamored by the carvings and Incan designs that they do not notice. The doors to the area they are in shut and they are stuck in the building. Ghosts/zombies start stalking them as they try to find their way out. They ration out the only food they were carrying, candy bars, but soon children get lost and separated from the group. Two: My brother and his friend stand in my room talking about how stupid I am and the bad music I listen to while I stand outside trying to yell at them, but they don't hear me. Three: I was going to write my dream down, but found that my mother had written notes of the chores etc. that I was supposed to be doing all over my scratch paper. Then I ride with my bro and two of his friends to get a minor fix on my car, but they total my car. I was sitting in the back with no shoes on, only white socks. Four: There was a man who knew something bad was going on in his town. He went to church and saw that his grandmother was being possessed, and tried to stop it, but couldn't. He woke from sleeping to find that he was standing in front of a huge wall of water with two enormous black whales looking down on him. The minds of the whales were reaching into his trying to pull him into the water with them. The scale of the whales compared to the man was like that of a man to a mouse. Although in real life I do not find whales frightening (or at least before this dream) the whales in this dream were frightening in a way I cannot describe, there was just something very wrong about them. Five: I was in a yard running along a concrete path wondering if I still had what it takes to call myself a black belt. At the end of the path there was a squirrel and a black bird. I did an amazing flying side kick (the kick I was always the worst at) and it was perfect. The squirrel and black bird scattered. Suddenly a man appeared and told me that if I really wanted to get rid of the squirrels that I had to dig a pit, and he showed me a shallow pit that he dug and then a deeper pit that he covered with dead leaves. Then he told me that someone has to lay in the shallow pit to attract the squirrels. He said Jehovah's Witnesses worked best. Six: Another dream I just watched was about a police detective being invited to give his ideas on a case. They gave him some tapes that they had found on a boat, which appeared to be a location previously used by a serial killer. A woman had been kidnapped and the tapes show her being tortured by the killer. But then in the next tapes she is untied and is recalling her lonely childhood and suddenly it seems as if the killer has teamed up with her and they are torturing each other by holding each other's head beneath the water in a white claw foot bath tub until the other stops moving and then reviving them. She finds that she likes the pain that takes her away from her boring existence of feeling nothing. They tape their exploits which the detective is now watching. Seven: This seems like a continuation of the last dream almost. The same detective is in a prison looking for a lead, but he notices a strange symbol on the door of a locker. He remembers from a case that he worked in a high school where a kid was using the chemistry lab to create some sort of acid. The detective figures out that it is the same kid who has been in prison this whole time and is trying to use his knowledge of chemistry to turn ordinary chemicals used in the prison into a powerful acid to melt through the lock on his cell door. When the detective points this out they are in the lunch room with prisoners eating lunch. One of the prisoners gets up and has bandaged hands. He reveals his horribly scarred puss filled lumps of flesh that used to be his hands. Apparently he had to mix the chemicals by hand and had to endure the pain of his dissolving flesh in order to escape, but was caught by the same guy. Enraged he suddenly seemed to be holding two long blades in the disgusting hand lumps. The festering scarred hands spray yellow liquid as he slices the throats of the prisoners next to him and charges toward the detective. He kills everyone except one guard and the detective. Eight: I was at work and one man's large truck was parked in the lunch room. He asked who took his scissors and M another employee holds it up. He was sitting on the truck. Suddenly a friend of mine from H S appears out of no where and I ask her if she wants to see a movie. She says, how about Juno. I say okay. Two people offer to give me a ride, though I don't remember who the first was the second looked like Jesus. Nine: A boy is a waiter at a restaurant and kids from his school come to the place a lot to harass him, ordering and spilling food, not tipping him. The restaurant serves a lot of tea, I remember esp. green and oolong teas. They serve some very red chili like soup. He is invited by the owner, a woman who has dark features and wears gypsy like clothing, to stay after closing. Another waitress (the owner's daughter) seems to be very against this idea. The woman was going to reveal some sort of secret to the boy having to do with the soup. Ten: I find a Japanese choose your own adventure book written in English. There are notations written in the margins, as if it was part of some English language class. I was in some sort of vintage clothing store and it suddenly begins to shake. I get dizzy and fall. Eleven: I have a guinea pig named Pina. It is blond with some reddish streaks in it's fur. He had sores on his belly and could speak to me in my head. We were trying to get home from a strange island. I was held down by a girl and drug into a church with very puritan looking attire. Hugh Laurie was presiding over the church... Twelve: I was with the friend I mentioned before, the girl that I hate. She told me to give her my hand. I was hesitant, and she explained to me that it was necessary, that she was going to cut me on two of my fingers, but it wasn't going to hurt and she wasn't going to do anything else. I gave her my hand and she cut the tip of my right thumb off. I tried to super glue it back on, but nothing would work. I spent the rest of the dream wondering around a strange landscape holding my thumb together looking for a doctor. The meaning of this dream is completely evident, I gave my foolish belief that this girl was going to be my friend to her and she hurt me. Pretty much all caught up now. Mood: back on track Music: The Weakerthans - Reconstruction Site

	2008.02.04  09.53 Fresh Start There will be a couple long entries - I'm going to put up all the dreams I've had since I haven't updated here. This will be just a list like last time, for the same reason. One: I was on vacation with my family at some trendy touristy town like Port Gamble, Washington mixed with Excelsior, Minnesota. We went to a carnival/amusement park area to ride some strange prediction ride. It looked like a bullet train/elevator. My mother went on first and the ride took her up and showed her something on a screen, like astrology junk. Next I went on, but when I got off nothing showed on the screen and the ride didn't return, the doors that I got out of just opened to a long drop. I waited for a while, but somehow knew that I was stuck up there. So I found another door, but it also opened to a drop. There was a rusty looking ladder across from the open door way so I jumped to reach it. When I grabbed on I could feel one of the rings I used to wear bend to form around the ladder rung. The ladder broke, but I fell onto a platform below. I went back into the building through a doorway and saw two people. One was a very muscular woman and the other a man with a strange tattoo that said, "fuzzy butt." (I know I'm very very odd). Then I managed to find my way off the ride and back into town where I looked for my family. I found them in an antique shop which was infested with little dogs every where, little toy poodles, shihtzus, maltese, all detestable little ankle biters. When I found my family they were all angry at me, thinking that I abandoned them to go off and have fun myself. When I tried to explain to them what had happened they wouldn't believe me, even when I showed them my bent ring. This dream shows a common element with many of my dreams, I call it the Cassandra Effect. I have too many dreams to count where something happens and I can never convince anyone of it's truth. No one believes me. I'm not sure if others have this in their dreams but for me like my vivid nightmares I have one of these dreams at least once every two months. Two: I was working at a grooming shop with my former employer. She kept telling me to groom this one cat, but I was afraid, because...well when one has tried grooming a cat before...anyway I would pick the cat up and put it on the grooming table, but then not do anything to it. Then it would just jump off the table and walk off. Then I would go and catch it again and the same thing would happen. There was also a large lion walking around the shop. Then I was at home and there were two cats there as well. I went to bed and one of the cats came and lie down length wise next to me. Then I noticed a wood tick crawling on my leg. Then I was driving back to my employers house with my dog in the car with me and I left her in the car because I was too afraid what animals would be in my employers house. Three: I wasn't in this dream, it was more like watching a movie preview. Two losers arrive at their high school and stop in front of the school. They get out and go to the side of their car. There is a gas filler sticking out of their gas tank. They say stuff (I don't remember) and then a guy holds them up at gun point. He steals their car. They decide to steal another car to go to the cops. However the gunman follows them to the next car, which is a some kind of jeep an older smaller version of an SUV. Then the guy gets hit by another car right in front of them. Another man approaches he is strange looking, hard to pin down description. Kind of geeky looking wearing a black trench coat with blond hair and stubble. They start talking and the guy sticks something that looks like a mix between a Polaroid photo and an ipod with a picture of the man that got hit by the car into his back pocket. The polaroid thing said, "Instamatic" on it. The three start walking and they pass a radio station where there was a poster saying something like, "Written by KG and JB, performed by Reel Big Fish." The one trench coat character goes into the radio station and suddenly there is something like Screeching Weasel playing and he has turned into a really skinny punk kid. The radio DJ is dead and he picks up another "Instamatic" thing and puts it in his pocket. Four: My room is re-arranged by two punk looking kids, they said something like, "Typical indecisive room - can't choose what she wants." They want to give me a make over and present me with ragged looking jeans. Five: I wasn't in this dream either, just watching. The world was this strange animal gone crazy world. Animals were at war and humans were stuck in the middle. There were also werewolves. There were some limited deals with the werewolves and humans, but the animals didn't care about humans at all. Cities and countryside were just parts of their battlefield. There was a large school like building where most of the people lived and one nurse was talking to a person in a hospital bed as they looked out the window into a valley of houses. She was telling the story of an old man who lived in one of the houses she pointed out. At that point it was like I was seeing the story she was narrating. I was in this old guy's house with all his cats. She said he lived with all these cats and that he didn't want to let them outside to fraternize with the other animals, so he was filling all these bowls with water and food and large jugs of water propped over bowls so they'd continue filling. He said that if they got hungry they could just eat their young. When she got to that part one of the cats had a very devious expression on it's face. It was a fluffy white cat. It's grin was almost Chesire like. Just then the view was pulled back to the hospital and the house that she had pointed out exploded. Suddenly from both sides of the valley animals started pouring in and the valley resounded with explosions and gunfire. Then it seemed to jump to someone else. They were in the same building, but it was dark and abandoned. Werewolves were filing into it. A man was trying to escape the building (he seemed to be the only one left) but he was caught by one of the werewolves. He struck a deal with the werewolf whom he seemed to have known previously and gave his body to the werewolf to secure his freedom. That's it for now.